I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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