No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
