I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
