I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Randomize
