my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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