sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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