Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
