Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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