Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
