well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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