first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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