i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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