Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We had sex on a dog bed..
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
