i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
