At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
