i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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