How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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