Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
