I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize