Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
