So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
