if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I need to calm my uterus...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
