Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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