i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
