I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
