drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize