Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
