sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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