It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
