I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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