I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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