Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
