A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
