i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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