i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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