I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
