We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
