Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
