question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
