hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
How's work?
Spinning.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It's shark week go big or go home
COCAINE IS GR8
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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