i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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