if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
