Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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