i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
