Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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