so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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