Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
