did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
