i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
