Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
