I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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