Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
