I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
