Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
