nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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