Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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