he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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