that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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