The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
