Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
