I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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