wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
