she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Randomize
