I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
