dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
